I’m outraged by parents who hit their children!

Dr. Helen Poon answers: Throughout history many cultures have accepted spanking or hitting as a means of disciplining children. The Asian culture is no different. In fact in most parts of Eastern Asia (including China, Taiwan, Japan and Korea), physical/ corporal punishment of one’s children is lawful. This would include Hong Kong. Therefore, as much as it is abhorrent to some to see the practice of domestic corporal punishment, it is important to acknowledge that its practice is not illegal. In recent times however, research into the adverse effects of such practices has motivated new parents to think of alternative ways to reinforce their teachings and values.

It may be useful to look at how spanking or hitting children may serve parents. Firstly, spanking can immediately reduce or stop unwanted behaviour. It can also be addictive, because it can bring a parent instant brief relief from anger. However it is important to note the following points.

• Spanking can only retain its effectiveness with increased intensity (may lead to abuse).

• Spanking models aggressive behaviour as a way to deal with conflict.
Research shows that the more a child is spanked, the more likely it is that he/she will be involved in spouse or child abuse as an adult.

• Most parents describe spanking as ‘punishment’. Most think that spanking should teach a lesson or correct a behaviour. The problem is that the child may feel that the spanking ‘cancelled’ his/her crime, and thus may recommit the offence.

• The child can keep a ‘sin’ ledger where a spanking wipes the slate clean and thus avoid the healthy guilt feelings.

• Spanking allows a child to think of the physical aggression as an acceptable and effective way to solve problems, and allows the child to focus on grievances rather than their own behaviour and harm that they may have caused others.

• Spanking can be used as a power struggle between parent and child. This makes disciplining impossible when spanking is no longer an option.

• Spanking raises resentment, revenge and rebellion and reduces self-esteem in children.

In my clinical practice, I sometimes see the consequences on children / adults who may have been raised with a high disciplinary style of parenting where spanking, slapping or other forms of domestic corporal punishment would be regularly implemented. These children are often conflicted between rage and the need to be accepted by their parents. Sometimes they feel ‘pushed’ to make a stance with their parents, thereby propelling them to often risky and inappropriate behaviours. Other times, their individuality has been so stamped out that they are unable to make decisions or establish stable relationship with others.

It is my position to encourage parents to find other means to discipline their children other than spanking. For example, teaching and explaining, modelling, distracting and setting up rules are all good practices to have.

Another very important strategy to implement is the provision of consequences to both positive and undesirable behaviour. Some popular recommended consequences to behaviour would include saying ‘no’, removal of desired object or activity, natural consequences, praises, delayed gratification and privileges.