Mio Debnam replies: Well, before you set pen to paper I’d suggest a little preparatory homework, but luckily, the ‘work’ should be lots of fun for you and hopefully your child too!

The homework is pretty simple – read as many books as you possibly can with your child… This is assuming that you want to write for a similarly aged reader as your child. If this is not the case, then do the reading by yourself, anyhow, as reading is a really important step to becoming a good writer.

When you read a story that you (and your child) particularly enjoy, read it again in detail and analyse it. Look at the pacing of the story, the character development, the descriptions and setting. Study the sentence structure, the dialogue and the vocabulary range – and see how the author has used all of these things to write a story that is age-appropriate for the reader.

For example, picture books are deceptively hard to write. Did you know that an ideal picture book text only contains about 700 words? Because illustrations are expected to carry half of the story there are very few words, but each one has to be perfectly chosen to convey the idea or mood concisely!

Once you have done your homework, it’s time to start thinking about the story and the characters you want to write about. Every good story has characters with whom readers can empathise, and at least one of the characters must want or need something – ie has a problem. The heart of most stories (apart from themed books such as bedtime books or alphabet books etc) is the tale of how the character overcomes their problems to achieve their goal, and how they grow as a person. This is what makes a story interesting.

Once you have done all that homework, it’s ‘bum on seat’ time – you have to write the story that’s in your head. This is normally the hardest part, but don’t give up until it’s done. When you have done your first draft, put it aside for a while, and reward yourself! You need that reward, because the hard work is not over yet…

When you’ve allowed a few days to pass, go back to your story and try and read it with new eyes, and dispassionately assess which bits are good and which parts need fixing. You’ll probably need to spend as many hours editing. By which I don’t mean changing a couple of words, but really making sure that the pacing, the characterisation, etc are good, and not being afraid to cut or change big chunks of text if necessary. You may also need to rewrite your story. But don’t be discouraged, you are not alone. Even bestselling authors have to do this!

So, let’s say you’ve spent a substantial amount of time editing, and you think it’s pretty good… but you’re unsure how to polish it to publisher-ready standard. Now it’s time to get your work critiqued by some qualified readers – by which I do not mean your child or your mother (they tend to be a bit biased!), but a writer or an editor of children’s books. A way to do this, is to join a critique group, such as the one organised by the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (www.scbwi.org) in Hong Kong. There’s an added advantage to joining a group such as this, in that it’s nice to meet others who share your passion, and it’s always a good idea to network and to find out all about the business of writing and publishing children’s books.

Hope that helps, and happy writing!

Amy Stewart answers: The International Baccalaureate (IB) is a non-profit foundation that offers three programmes that cover children aged 3 to 19 years. The programmes focus on international mindedness, and students who participate in an IB programme learn a second language and skills to live and work with others internationally.

Schools need to apply and be authorised to use the programmes. These schools are known as IB World Schools. Authorisation to be an IB World School is an intensive process and takes two or more years. IB is available in 3,324 schools in 141 countries.

The first programme is The Primary Years Programme. This covers children aged three to 12 years. The focus for this programme is on the development of the whole child inside and outside the classroom. Students study six trans-disciplinary themes that drive inquiry investigations.

The second programme is The Middle Years Programme. This covers children aged 11 to 16 years. The focus of this programme is a framework of academic challenges and life skills. There are eight subject groups that include: mother tongue, second language, humanties, sciences, mathematics, arts, technology and physical education.

The final programme is The Diploma Programme. This covers children aged 16 to 19 years. The students select six subjects from a range of disciplines which include languages, social sciences, experimental sciences, mathematics and arts. The programme ensures a coverage of these subjects for the students.

This information was sourced from www.ibo.org, where you can find more details about IB and which schools offer one or more of the IB programmes.

You can explain to your child that every individual is unique and different in their own way. Some people need glasses to see clearly; some cannot eat sugar because they have diabetes; those with allergies cannot eat nuts or they might start sneezing if they are exposed to dust or pets etc. Similarly this person has a condition called “epilepsy” and a person with epilepsy has seizures. One kind of seizure can make a person fall down and shake all over for a few minutes, which is what that lady experienced.

Explain to the child that the brain controls most of our movements. It sends messages to our body to move our hands, open our mouths to eat, take a step and walk etc. During the seizure a part of their brain does not communicate in the correct manner, and that causes some unusual actions in the person’s body, such as the stiffening and shaking of the body. In a few minutes that person’s brain will begin to communicate correctly, and the seizure will stop. But the lady might need to rest for a while as her body will be very tired. Although the seizure symptoms look strange, the lady is definitely not crazy.

Epilepsy is a medical condition and it happens because the brain is not sending the right message to the body. When the seizure stops, the lady will not really have any memory of the seizure and can go back to doing what she was doing earlier. It is important to reiterate that she might look a little strange when she has a seizure, but it is the epilepsy that causes it and she is no different from you or I.

Secondly, doexplain to your child that there is nothing to be scared of. The lady is neither in pain nor is she of danger to your child or anybody witnessing her seizure. The seizures are not contagious either, and will not happen to someone who does not have epilepsy. You can even encourage your child to be a little ambassador of epilepsy by introducing him or her to some basic seizure first-aid. 1. Stay Calm, 2. Move any furniture to the side, 3. Call an adult for help immediately.

Finally, please emphasise once again that the lady is NOT CRAZY and if in the future he has a friend at school with epilepsy, he should treat them just like he treats others.

If you and your son would like to learn more about epilepsy or want to become an ambassador by spreading the right messages about epilepsy, we have a free children’s booklet that helps young children to understand the condition better.

Please also inform your son’s school that Enlighten-Action for Epilepsy runs free training sessions and talks to students of all primary and secondary schools in Hong Kong to increase epilepsy awareness.

We are happy to come to your son’s school too. They can contact our training department on 2820 0111 to book the free training session. They can also visit our website www.enlightenhk.org and read about our school education and training programmes.

Enlighten-Action for Epilepsy is the only epilepsy-focused, non-medical Hong Kong charity that aims to benefit anyone directly or indirectly affected by epilepsy. It runs a range of complimentary, bilingual epilepsy-focused programmes to meet its objectives of raising epilepsy awareness in Hong Kong, and supporting those indirectly and directly affected by epilepsy and helping improve their quality of lives. For more information, go to www.enlightenhk.org

Sheila Dickinson answers: Learning to be responsible for expenditure is an important step in a child’s financial literary education. In general, children aged about 16 should have a good understanding of the concepts of spending and budgeting.

Taking your son as an example, it would be good to start discussing financial responsibility with him, and how his “income” (this can be pocket money or a salary from a part-time job) are allocated for expenditure and savings. Through constructive conversations and daily observations, you will begin to see if your son is ready to take care of part of his own expenditure or not. Depending on the parents’ preference and the child’s age and stage of development, the degree in which the child is responsible for his or her own expenses can also vary.

Regular allowance
It would be a good idea to give your son a regular allowance, if you have not yet done so. This is the most hands-on method of teaching him how to spend and save. The amount of allowance you give him should be able to meet his needs, but not necessarily fulfil everything he wants.

You can then encourage him to start managing his money by letting him to take care of part of his daily expenses, such as topping up his mobile phone or paying his own weekend entertainment expenses. He may have to learn to work out a budget, determine how much he needs for daily expenses, how much to save and how to allocate his money accordingly. If he spends more than his budget, he should be responsible for that.

Paying bills on time
Remind your son to pay his bills before the due date. Paying on time is a good habit that should be cultivated. Ask him to keep records of his money. This is a good way for him to see how much he has spent over time, and how much he has saved. He should also be encouraged to keep receipts from all purchases and bills paid, and keep notes on what he does with his money.

Through budgeting, saving and spending, your son will learn about decision-making, responsibility and priorities – important lessons that will be needed throughout life.

Don’t forget that your guidance is also an integral part of his learning process in becoming a financially responsible adult.

This article was contributed by Sheila Dickinson. Sheila is the Senior Vice President and a SFC Licensed Representative (SFC CE no: ANS128) with ipac financial planning Hong Kong limited. Sheila is also a Technical Representative with the Professional Insurance Brokers Association, Registration Number PIBA-0428-007924. Sheila can be contacted at financial.planning@ipac.com.hk.

ipac is licensed with the Securities and Futures Commission of Hong Kong, CE No. AAN641. ipac is a member of Professional Insurance Brokers Association, member number 0428.

In preparing this information, we did not take into account the investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs of any person. Before making an investment decision, you should speak to a financial planner to consider whether this information is appropriate to your needs, objectives and circumstances.

Dr. Helen Poon answers: The death of a loved one is one of life’s most devastating events. The impact of a death can ripple throughout the whole family, even children. Children have a different experience of time from that of adults, thus may go through the stages of mourning quite rapidly. Grief can be presented differently across different ages, thus it may be best to represent this through different developmental stages.

Infant to 3 Years of Age
Even though children may not understand the meaning of death until they are three or four years old, they are aware of the absence of a caregiver. This can be displayed by the child through symptoms such as an increase in crying, seeming more lethargic and listless and via noticeable changes in eating or sleeping habits. A two or three year old may associate death with being asleep. Also if a child sees a caregiver grieving or dwelling in sadness, the child may mimic those emotions though they do not understand them or necessarily feel that way themselves.
3-6 Years of Age
This age group is very curious about death. They may ask questions such as: “How does grandma breathe since she’s dead?” because they are now able to understand that the person is not there with them anymore, but believe that they are alive in some limited kind of way.

They may be able to recognise the physical death as temporary or gradual, reversible and not final. The child may also experience “magical thinking”, where they believe that their thoughts caused the action (i.e. being mad, misbehaving, saying “I hate you”, etc. may have caused the death). Children in this age range can often regress, with symptoms such as loss of bladder or bowel control, use of baby talk, thumb sucking, want to sleep with a sibling or parent, and experiencing a change in eating and sleeping habits. They may also have worries of abandonment, and fear that when others leave that they are not going to come back.

Children in this age range are also much more impressionable, and are greatly influenced by emotions that others are expressing, especially sadness.

6-12 Years of Age
Children in this age group are typically able to understand the finality of death, but do not view it as something that will happen to them until the latter part of this developmental age. The younger part of this age group may view death as a spirit, a ghost or an angel. Some can displace their grief as being aggressive and destructive, whereas others may become very clingy and attached. Generally children reaching the age of 10 seem to grasp the concept that they will die, and may dwell in the idea of their own death.

The range of emotions that are felt by this age group can range from guilt, sadness and anger to anxiety, shame or worry. They often have trouble expressing their emotions, so being cued to their actions is most helpful. Some children will complain of physical ailments such as a stomachache, rather than being able to say that they are feeling sad.

13-18 Years of Age
This age group has the same capacity of understanding grief as an adult does. In fact, this age group views themselves as adults. However they are caught somewhere right in the middle developmentally. Grief can compound and complicate the confusion that teenagers face. Teenagers are not children, but are not yet adults. When they are grieving the loss of a significant person, they do not know which direction to take – the emotional dependence and sadness of a child, or the perceived “strong, brave approach” of an adult.

They will usually not reach out and embrace support from adults because that would make them appear “childlike”. Nor will they seek solace from a peer for fear of looking weak. Many times this creates the idea in them that they must face it alone and keep it together on the outside.

Teenagers with unresolved grief may develop mental health issues ranging from depression, social withdrawal and substance abuse to defiant behaviour and academic problems.

Guidelines:
* Try to be clear about the subject of death right from the start. Use simple but correct terminology.
* For younger children, never use confusing euphemisms. For example, some adults may say “Granny has just gone to sleep”. This could make children afraid of going to sleep, and could result in troublesome bedtimes and disturbed dreams. Other examples such as saying “grandma passed away” or “we lost her” are not helpful in maximising comprehension.
* Try to keep your children’s regular routines and allow them to be their age.
* Be truthful, but try to keep your emotions in check, because you may frighten your children. This doesn’t mean, however, that you should not share your grief. Let your children know why you are tearful – explain that you miss their grandmother very much at the moment, but stress the positive memories that you have of her.
* Use examples from children’s experiences to explain death. For instance, talk about a baby bird that has died because it fell out of a nest, or a pet animal dying, or even leaves dying in the autumn. This is a way of showing them that all things die, and it is natural. Check that your children understand the answer, and repeat if necessary.
* Feelings of grief, confusion and emotional turbulence are normal, and it’s okay to cry or to express these emotions.
* The grief of children and adolescents, and their need for mourning, should not be overlooked when a family member has died. For example, they should be given the option of being included in the funeral arrangements.

Sheila Dickinson replies: Yes indeed banks do offer children’s savings accounts. Some of them even package the account with attractive incentives, such as issuing passbooks with famous cartoon characters and sometimes even privileged interest rates.

Undoubtedly, opening an account for your children can help to cultivate their own savings habit in early childhood. However, it is still important to equip your children with appropriate money concepts.

Taking your son as example, you may first have a discussion about saving and money with him. Try to understand what prompted him to want a bank account – does he want to start saving for a dream toy, or is it due to peer influence? Take this as a good opportunity to teach him about the importance and benefits of savings.

Saving for the future is one of the basic concepts in handling money. Let him know that saving isn’t just for leftover money as and when it’s available, but allocations for savings should be made before any discretionary spending and on a regular basis.

When opening an account for your son, it is therefore important to encourage him to save regularly. Help him to agree to putting a portion of the pocket money he receives each month into the account. Help him to set up some short-term saving goals, and let him know how long it will take to save for a certain amount. Let your child withdraw part of the savings for a special purchase, such as a Christmas gift for Grandma or a special toy he wants – in this way he can see the benefits that regular savings can bring.

When you open a child savings account, there might be a minimum amount for account opening of, for example, HK$500. Watch out for fees if the balance drops below that minimum. Some child savings accounts may be limited to children of a certain age. Make comparisons on different banks’ offers in determining the type of account that is best for your child. Some saving schemes can be tied in with child medical or accident insurance with low premiums, which is something you may want to consider if your child does not have sufficient insurance protection yet.

As your son gets older, for example when he reaches say 13-15 years of age, you can start helping him in understanding how account balances work by explaining credit (e.g. when he deposits his pocket money) and debit (e.g. when he withdraws money to buy an item). He will also be happy to see how his savings grow on the balance sheet, and get to understand the principles and benefits of compound interest.

There are of course many ways in which parents can help their children in teaching them good money habits. Nevertheless, it is best to start early in coaching your children on how to become a financially responsible adult.

This article was contributed by Sheila Dickinson. Sheila is the Senior Vice President and a SFC Licensed Representative (SFC CE no: ANS128) with ipac financial planning Hong Kong limited. Sheila is also a Technical Representative with the Professional Insurance Brokers Association, Registration Number PIBA-0428-007924. Sheila can be contacted at financial.planning@ipac.com.hk.

ipac is licensed with the Securities and Futures Commission of Hong Kong, CE No. AAN641. ipac is a member of Professional Insurance Brokers Association, member number 0428.

In preparing this information, we did not take into account the investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs of any person. Before making an investment decision, you should speak to a financial planner to consider whether this information is appropriate to your needs, objectives and circumstances.

My son’s teacher says that my son has trouble concentrating in class and as a result, he can be quite disruptive. As a teacher, what is your experience with disruptive children in class, and what advice can you give me?

Amy Stewart replies: The term ‘disruptive’ is quite wide ranging and can mean many things in a classroom situation. Firstly, it is good that you have a line of communication open with your son’s teacher about this issue so you can work together to resolve it and do the best thing by your son. In my experience, the two most common reasons for a child’s lack in concentration in lessons is that the learning content is either too easy or too difficult for them. In both cases the student becomes bored and frustrated and will often begin to try and interact with their peers beyond the lesson format in order to entertain themselves. Of course there are many other reasons why a student may be having trouble concentrating, including sight or hearing issues, unfamiliarity with the structures and boundaries of a classroom or the particular dynamics between a student and their peers around them.

The first thing you should do is make further contact with your son’s teacher to gain more information and insight into his behaviour. Ask for more detail surrounding his lack of concentration and disruptive behaviour. There may be a pattern in the time of day it occurs, or it may only occur with particular peers. Ask your son’s teacher if they could keep an informal note of what, when, where and how this behaviour occurs and communicate this with you regularly. Talk to your son’s teacher about how you as a parent can help address these issues and form a school and home based plan together. You can also ask your son about his behaviour as he might be able to identify an issue that the teacher cannot.

Sheila Dickinson replies: As children go through different stages of development, so their concepts of money and values change. Once children reach the age of about 7, they should start to understand where money comes from, but they may not understand the relationship between cost and how much they have to spend. They may start to ask their parents to buy trendy items (peer pressure). It is important for parents to provide guidance to their children from a young age to help them understand the value of things and develop good money habits.

Explain the concept of earning
For your children’s sake, try to explain to them the source of money through the concept of earning, that money is earned through hard work and is not unlimited. You can explain further that money is deposited into the bank before it comes out of the ATM, and that credit cards allow you to pay things first, but the bill will come to you at the end of the month!

Discuss the difference between “needs” and “wants”
Discuss with your children the difference between “needs” and “wants” to help them understand that not all “wants” can be purchased. Show them in their daily lives what the necessary items are when you are out window shopping.

Give children an allowance
Giving children an allowance is the best and most hands-on way of teaching them how to save and spend. The amount depends on the child’s age and the parent’s income, but it should be enough to meet the child’s needs and not necessarily everything on his or her “I want” list. Find extra tasks they can perform to earn money in addition to their allowance.

Encourage the savings habit
Teach your children that saving is important and isn’t just for leftover money. Savings should be made before any discretionary spending takes place.

You can open up a savings account for each of your children. Help them set up some short-term savings goals and let them know how long it will take to save for a certain amount. Don’t always refuse them when they want to withdraw a portion of savings for a purchase, otherwise, this will discourage them from saving at all.

There are a variety of techniques to use at different stages of your children’s development. Try to keep it fun, but also be consistent in your approach. It’s always good to start early when teaching children about money management.

This article was contributed by Sheila Dickinson. Sheila is the Senior Vice President and a SFC Licensed Representative (SFC CE no: ANS128) with ipac financial planning Hong Kong limited. Sheila is also a Technical Representative with the Professional Insurance Brokers Association, Registration Number PIBA-0428-007924. Sheila can be contacted at financial.planning@ipac.com.hk.

ipac is licensed with the Securities and Futures Commission of Hong Kong, CE No. AAN641. ipac is a member of Professional Insurance Brokers Association, member number 0428.

In preparing this information, we did not take into account the investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs of any person. Before making an investment decision, you should speak to a financial planner to consider whether this information is appropriate to your needs, objectives and circumstances.

Dr. Helen Poon answers: A mother’s age is one of the main factors that influence the choice of having children or another child. Women who approach, during or past their mid-thirties would tend to worry about decreasing fertility. This pressure often motivates them to pursue further family planning. Parents often worry about attaining the ‘right’ age gap between their children. It is however important to remember that couples with small or large age gaps each has their own benefits and downfalls.

Small age gap
For children: Small age gaps offer children the benefit of learning and growing together as it allows children to relate more easily. The children are able to provide companionship, play and learn together. Children with small age gaps can also, however, foster more competition and rivalry as it can promote more comparisons to be made by the children themselves but also from their caregivers. This can lead to both positive and negative consequences. Such consequences depend on how parents foster competition within in the family. Competition, if used well, can motivate children to seek to improve, and can boost their confidence. On the other hand, if used excessively, it can have the opposite effect and create resentment and unnecessary stress in children.

Considerations for parents
Having children close in age would allow parents to adapt more easily to the demands of a new baby, since they would have had the previous experience not so long ago. Some parents feel pleased to have the ‘nappy years’ and the ‘messy eating years’ concentrated in one short period, and enjoy the feeling of moving on with the children as they grow up. Similar aged children enjoy similar things, so it would make a lot of things, such as holidays, that much easier to organise. However, smaller age gap between children can often present quite a difficult time for parents (this is especially so in the early years). For example, it can be hard time for the caregiver to care for a young child during pregnancy, especially if it is complicated. Stress is also more likely, as the two small children will require different schedules. It is therefore very important to plan ahead, and to utilise support and resources to help with the additional demands.

Considerations for your older child
Typically for children still under about 18 months when the baby is born, preverbal and still a baby herself, there isn’t a great deal you can do to prepare her. Children that young are not yet aware of their position within the family, and are thus unlikely to feel threatened by a new child. If tantrums do occur, it may be to do with the new addition to the family, however it can also be nothing to do with the new infant, but just one of the many developmental phases that children go through. Given that no one can be sure, my best advice is to just go with the flow and enjoy each day as it comes.

A larger age gap may mean that you may have more time to devote to the new arrival, while perhaps the older child goes to a playgroup, nursery or school. However a larger age gap will also mean that they are more aware of changes in the home, and so more preparation is required to ease the upcoming transition. For children with age gaps of around two years or more, assume that your toddler understands at least the general sense of most of what you say to her and that her language will increase dramatically over the next few months. Talk to her about the baby even if she only understands half of what you say; half is better than nothing.

The use of picture storybooks is often helpful as a medium of communicating with toddlers. Discussions about brothers and sisters, and pointing out other children with brothers and sisters can also be useful. This will allow her to see that having additional family members is normal, and can be quite positive. However also preparing her for the ramifications of such an event (such as the need to share, delayed or less time spent with caregivers), would be good. Don’t forget to allow your child to participate in preparing for their sibling’s arrival so that she feels part of the process.

Final words
In the end, the best decision is not what works for the child or any individual member of the household, but rather what works for the whole family. There are success stories with children close in age as well as children with a wide age span. It is how these situations are dealt with that creates happiness within households. So if you are already stressed and tired, it will be harder for you to deal with another child. It is therefore crucial for you to seek support (from your natural resources as well as from professionals if necessary).

Amy Stewart replies: There are many ways of assessing a child’s knowledge acquisition and skills, and an exam is only one example. Students should be experiencing sound classroom assessment practises which include a range of assessment methods and styles which cover Diagnostic (what the students already know), Formative (ongoing assessment to check progress throughout the learning process) and Summative (checking to see if the child has met the learning objectives at the end of a period of time).

Good assessment should take place in the classroom in many forms to get the best picture about students’ progress. Reliance on exams, (a form of summative assessment), is not going to give students, teachers and parents an accurate and informative idea of progress. Exams are not the only form of summative assessment, and some schools will choose other methods to obtain data about the students upon completion of the learning objective/s.