Venue: Casa dei Bambini School, Shop 2 on G/F & Shop 3 on LG1/F, Grand Scholar, No.419K Queen’s Road West, Hong Kong
Date: 21 May – 1 June 2012
Time: Monday through Friday 9am – 330pm
Cost: HK$5,000 per person

Course: The AMI certificate course is a 10-day short term course designed to help interested adults to understand and assist the developmental needs of children. The programme introduces the philosophy underpinning Montessori practice and would be of interest to adults working in Montessori schools, to parents and expecting parents, and childcare professionals from other fields. The course would also be of interest to those who might want to consider doing the AMI 3-6 Diploma Course.

For more details, call 2259-3372 or email joanna@casadeibambini.com.hk

Admission is free. For inquiries, please call Sindy Wu (2524-2068) at the Hong Kong Book Centre. Online reservations can be made at http://hongkongbookcentre.com/sophiepaine.asp

About the author
Sophie Paine has moved from her native France to sunny Italy, monsoons of Hong Kong and the snowy Minnesota, and married an English-man. On her way, Sophie left behind accounting and
financial reports, taught English to Somali refugees and picked up paintbrushes and crayons. She enjoys learning languages, educating people around the world about finance, and playing with
her two bilingual boys. Sophie and her family currently reside in Shanghai.

This process starts at very different times for different people and has been known to start as early as age eight or nine and as late as the late teens. So parents are encouraged to not wait until changes are observed before discussing puberty. Changes are likely to be well underway before you see anything.

It is vital to understand that normalizing puberty is something that is best done by an understanding and accessible parent. It may help to talk about your own experiences of puberty. It is important to note that everyone experiences puberty differently and that the talk is merely an opening for discussion points.

Some of the earliest and possibly easiest discussions are about personal hygiene. As the body changes there are new maintenance requirements. Daily rituals such as showering, shampooing, using deodorant and dressing in clean clothes need to be mentioned and sometimes enforced.

The body is probably one of the things that your child thinks about most often, and this is why it is important that parents make themselves available to talk. Understanding how her body works gives your child much more control over what her body does. Your child may have misconceptions or fears about her body, sexuality and human reproduction, so talking about it can help clear them up.

Puberty may be one of the more difficult topics to talk about because your child may already have developed some feelings of shame about her body. Unrealistic standards of attractiveness for both girls and boys and images of unattainable perfection have been weaved into our culture. Your values may be very different from the mainstream culture, but the media’s pervasiveness makes it unlikely that your child will be unaffected.

All media including TV, posters, magazines, films, music and electronic games contain messages. The problem is that what is portrayed in the media often differs from real life. It is therefore important for parents to teach their children to view media critically rather than passively. For example, pointing out plot holes, weak character development, stereotypical male and female roles, and less than subtle sexual imagery.

Children need information about how their bodies work, but they also need to understand how they feel about their bodies themselves as they mature sexually and emotionally, and how to set guidelines about sexual relationships. Parents need a way to tell their children about the rules and values that they believe in, and they need a way to show their child how these values are expressed in everyday decision making. Children and parents need a comfortable way of learning about each other’s feelings and beliefs about sexual situations.

It is important for parents to define ‘sex’ for themselves, and to share these views to help guide their children to get a better understanding. There are plenty of disagreements about what ‘sex’ is. Some might label kissing as sexual conduct, while some call an act sexual only if it aids procreation. Some would see any feelings or thoughts that are about the body or even love as sexual, while others believe that sex is only intercourse.

Once a common understanding is established, it may help parents to set some family guidelines or expectations about sexual behaviour. Topics such as sexuality, relationships, pregnancy and parenting, sexually transmitted diseases and the law may be raised.

The use of short stories may help to start discussions on sensitive topics. For example:

Different Body Types

A girl is in the girl’s changing room taking a shower after a game of hockey. She notices other girls and how different all their body types are. (Discussion points: What is the girl thinking?; Would she be embarrassed?; How might the bodies be different from one another?; Would anyone make fun of the girl in the shower?)

Changing Body
A boy and a girl are classmates and have met by accident in a chemist checkout line. The boy is holding his purchases: deodorant, shaving cream and pimple medication. The girl is holding shampoo, sanitary napkins and mouthwash. (Discussion points: What is the boy thinking; What would the boy be saying?; What is the girl thinking?; What would she be saying?)

Setting Boundaries
A girl knows a boy from school. She likes him a lot. She wants to kiss him. The boy wants kissing and more. One day they are watching TV when he starts to touch her in places that make her uncomfortable. The girl just wants to kiss. (Discussion points: What is the boy thinking?; What would the boy be saying?; What is the girl thinking?; What would she be saying?; Whose job is it to set boundaries?; Would it be different if it was the boy who wanted to set the boundaries and the girl who did not respect them?)

Remember, it may not be clear whether your child is getting the message in your discussions and it can be particularly hard when you feel you are barely being tolerated. However, don’t forget that every talk is conveying the underlying message that you care. These are ongoing discussions that would occur as the child’s curiosity and self-concept becomes more sophisticated. It would be impossible to achieve in one discussion!